Czech India Lifestyle magazine.

The IRS and Monsters That Suck

Taxes. Anyone out there delay the inevitable besides me? Two extensions are allowed, but unless you want the wrath of the IRS Nazi police knocking down your door, at some point you have to file your damned taxes.

Well I for one don’t want those Nazi Police knocking down my door so I filed my taxes, and I realized something in doing so. The IRS are a bunch of life draining sucking monsters. Here’s why.

vampires Vampires are a class of undead who exist by feeding on the blood of the living. Throughout literature and movies,vampires are depicted as a misunderstood race, wanting more than anything else to fit into society and be accepted. Yet they have little to no control over their insatiable urge to drink blood. Human blood. So it’s almost like they don’t want to be evil; they just are by nature. Plus they can’t go out into daylight so it’d be kind of hard to fit in, but I’ll save that ramble for another post…

Quite similarly, the IRS have leeches auditors who suck drink you dry of any cash you managed to escape paying in annual taxes. Think you completed your taxes accurately? Guess again. The IRS will prove you wrong. One way or another.

Succubus For those of you who do not know what a succubus is, please allow me to explain.

A succubus is a demon who, while in the form a hot, sexy woman, will seduce a man for unadulterated sweaty sex. Then, while engaged in wild abandon, the succubus will suck the life right out of the man so that they can continue to exist while the horndog man dies.

Much like the succubus, the IRS lures you into their perverted fetish filled world with promises of tax refunds and stimulus checks, only to snatch them away the second you think you are actually going to get some of your hard earned dollars back. Talk about draining!

Zombies You can’t be a reader of my blog and not know what a zombie is or what they stand saunter for, but no matter how entertaining they are to watch, I don’t want to get up close and personal with one. Face it. A zombie, no matter how cute and slow (as in short bus) is going to try to eat your brain. Period.

Now an IRS auditor, though not a member of the short bus, rather the “asswipe” bus, may not try to eat your brain, but they will try to eat your bank account. Plus any future deposits that would under normal circumstances deposit there. I don’t why the bastards can’t just leave me and my money alone. I mean I don’t steal, I don’t torture kids or small animals, I sometimes torture my husband but I think he secretly likes it - so whywhywhy does the IRS insist on taking money from me??

Werewolves Werewolves are humans who have the capability to shape shift into a wolf like animal (creature if you prefer) either due to having been bitten by another werewolf, or due to having had a curse placed on them by some evil no good bitch witch.

Werewolves are rather crafty as when in their human form, you have no idea of their inner beast. Your co-worker could be a werewolf and you have no idea! How sucky would that be? You are at your company’s christmas party, it happens to be a full moon - and suddenly your perverted co-worker that you hate is trying to rip your throat out after having morphed into a werebeast right in front of your eyes! I’m thinking that would ruin a really good buzz……

The IRS resembles werewolves because you never know how truly mean they are until they sink their teeth in you by auditing your 1040 or, worse yet, auditing your life! Yeh. Those suits can’t hide THAT!

Conclusion So monsters suck, and the IRS, sadly, resemble those monsters that suck. I wish I could just erase them from my memory, but sadly every year it’s more of the same, and they rear their ugly heads all over again….

Sigh…… maybe I should just open a Tiki Hut in Jamaica, mon….